ninja roos - they might look all sleepy and docile, but don’t be fooled. highly trained in the arts of martial, tai che and occasionally a bit of yoga (to keep balanced). one of these tall cunts could take on a young bruce lee or even the T-1000 (before he became the governor of california).

sting ray - one of these fuckers actually killed steve irwin, need i say more? irwin, the legend who fucks crocodiles and masturbates with baby koalas … seriously don’t mess with one of these bad boys (unless your aquaman).

cheap beer - temporary happiness is no substitute for a fat gut and a nasty hangover. leave this shit to the locals.

wrangers - commonly know as fanta pants. don’t trust them.

Dingos - everybody knows they eat babies, but did you know they also eat dog food and masticate on the occasional bone?

the big bad sun - we all love a sunny barbeque or a warm dip at the beach. thanks to our unique gap in the ozone layer, this badboy will give you skin cancer or worse, make your face peel.

balmain bugs - these tasty fuckers will not kill you … but they will fuck you! upon consumption, the entire universe can turn wobbly, colours become deeply intense, everyday objects take on bizarre and sometimes wonderful new forms and all your senses can become confused and distorted.

the red back - typical threat in the land down under. some say they are a good source of fibre, others find them scarier than pauline hanson.

the ivan milat - he might look all warm and friendly with that mo and shit. but seriously, this wanker has killed more backpackers than warnie has slept with.

the chiko roll - approximately 500 australians die each year in due to chiko roll related deaths. it’s a sausage, no wait … it’s deep fried. but mummy the strange man gave it to me. boom you die.

the funnel web - these spiders attack when least expected. imagine, you’re just walking through the forrest, in the middle of the night, by yourself …. and then BOOM, one of these little tigers pops out to have a nibble. you dead man, you dead.

the brown snake - longer than dirk diggler’s schlong, these little menaces take a particular liking to fat kids and grand mothers. watch out nan!

the box jelly fish - these little cunts might look soft and friendly, but be warned … once they wrap their little tentacles around your love handles, you die bitch, you die!

the blue ring octopus - this fucker will last of the mojican style, skim a slice off the top of your dome and then continue to eat your brains until you can no longer fill your pinky fingers.